Sin's Haven Read online

  “What about the nights when you’re not at the club?” He rubbed the tops of her knuckles and then moved to the inside center of her palm.

  “I make sure and bring some home when I’m there in the morning. And there aren’t many nights I’m not there.” Hazel’s gaze slipped from his face to his rubbing of her palm.

  “Work,” they said together and shared a small chuckle. Ben reached his other hand up to hers that was still holding the soggy towel. Those fingers were moist and cool. They would feel like magic on his face, his lips, his chest.

  “Just a couple more questions,” he said, his voice coming out lower than normal.

  “Two more,” she said, echoing him but sounding slightly adamant at the limit.

  “Do you like camping?”

  He caught her off guard with that. “Camping? I think the better question is do you like camping? You don’t seem like the outdoorsy type.” He watched her eye his bracelet-covered wrist.

  “Well, you were wrong about me liking dudes so I might be a secret survivalist for all you know.”

  She paused and waited for him to come clean. She hadn’t bought it but she was grinning and so much more relaxed than when she’d been about to cry earlier.

  “You have a point.” When she said that, she squeezed his hand, exciting him, making him hope for a lot more touching. He’d held back all night, but Ben’s body wanted her and when he thought of it, it showed. He needed her to see what she did to him, no, to feel what she did to him. A spot broke in his resolve and he opened his legs wider, feeling himself becoming more and more aroused. Harder than he’d ever been for Erby. And now he knew why. That hadn’t been real. This, crazy as it sounded, was.

  “You didn’t answer my question, Hazel.”

  This time she swallowed. “I haven’t been camping in a while, but I think I might be willing to go with someone as fun as you, Ben.”

  It was funny how she kept reciprocating every time he used her name.

  “So it’s a date?”

  “Is that your second question?” Her eyelids dropped closed over those gorgeous blue eyes of hers while he held his breath, afraid she was about to say no. “Just kidding. Sure, it’s a date.”

  The curls falling around her face moved when he let that breath out.

  “Hazel?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m finding it really hard not to kiss you right now. But not if this is too fast again. Not if I hurt you or messed up the other night. I know something’s not totally right and I know it’s my fault.”

  This woman’s direct, deep stare would flip his world or calm it. He had no idea which. But when she teared up again, he was at a loss.

  “Hey, hey what’s a matter, beautiful?”

  It was so dark outside and the only way he could see that she sniffed and wiped a hand across her nose was from the overhead oven light coming from her kitchen and built in lights illuminating her entertainment center. Ben instinctively pulled some long, hanging curls from her face and tucked them behind her ear.

  But she still wasn’t talking. When a large tear filled her eye and then fell out onto her cheek without her blinking, he grabbed both her hands in his and squeezed.

  “Hey, I know we barely know each other, but you can talk to me.”

  “Ben, I’m sorry. How embarrassing.”

  He soothed her hands and wiped the tear away. “No, don’t be embarrassed. Not around me, okay?”

  She nodded and wiped at her nose again then let him recapture her hands in his. She looked at him for a few sobering seconds and then her eyes told him she was about to be blatantly honest with him. “Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough for someone? No matter what you did or how much you tried?”

  He did. Ben nodded, careful not to knock heads with her.

  “You know me better than you think,” he told her earnestly.

  His own heart plummeted a little down that slippery slope he liked to call Mt. Erby but he stayed in the moment with Hazel who was pouring her heart out to him. Something was behind her words and tears, he just wasn’t sure what. And the way she stayed so close to him now, made him think maybe it wasn’t their one night stand. Someone else had hurt Hazel.

  His entire being on fire and ready to soothe her, he did his best to bring back her smile.

  “Let me properly introduce myself. My name is Benjamin Wright. And the answers to those burning questions…Stripes, Barstow, Cheeseburgers, and I’ve gone camping every year for as long as I can remember but this is the first time I’m looking forward to it.”

  He swallowed just as she laid her fingers on his chin.

  No wonder he’d slept with her. It was hard to think straight with her touching him like that. She was an amazing woman. He wanted to make love to her. A woman like Hazel should never feel like she wasn’t enough.

  ****

  “Stripes isn’t a color.” Maybe she shouldn’t have said it but it was either that or kiss him until neither of them could breathe. She craved the latter, but if she did that, the night wouldn’t end until they’d slept together.

  Ben’s large, gentle hand cupped the side of her head, pushing a wave of her curls up against her cheek and a flood of warmth through her body. If she’d ever been ready to let go, not think, and just feel, it was now. Her emotions were shot but her body cried out.

  Attraction and something born of mutual longing had inched them closer together until they ran out of inches and ended up nose to nose. Despite the fact she’d been like a wrecking ball on his manhood the whole week, here he was.

  “Red, that’s my new favorite color,” he said in a deeper voice than before, tilting his head so that their noses no longer sat tip to tip. She felt his skim across the top of her cheekbone while his whiskers scraped against her jaw. Her breasts ached to be free and share in the scraping sensation of his stubble rubbing back and forth while she cradled his head.

  “Let me make this up to you,” Hazel said, turning her face so that her words fell into his hand that had been gently holding her head to him. She then kissed the corner of his mouth where his lip was split. And then the skin above his left eye with the scratches.

  “Okay,” he said swallowing. Ben’s long, inviting neck held her in a trance of ‘should I or shouldn’t I?’

  She stared at him after planting those little kisses on his face. Ben was the one person in all this time who had stirred a passion she’d been missing for so long now. But didn’t she owe Jay’s memory more time? And of all the nights for Ben to come to her. What had she done to get on the bad side of timing and the universe?

  Ben made it that much harder when he grunted and suffered more pain at her expense. He pulled her on top of him and laid his head back on her couch. Through his clothes, she could feel just how badly he wanted to be with her and how badly she wanted to rub him and make his erection grow harder. She had to get this out now while she could still think.

  “Ben, about Saturday night…” she whispered into his neck.

  “Hmm?” he said, holding her to him. His hand had just made its way down her back to her butt and he cupped her and squeezed while the other petted her hair.

  Reacting to his touch, she thrust her hip bones where they met up against his stomach. “Nothing, just that…I want you, Ben.”

  “I want you too, Hazel.”

  Her hand instinctively made its way down what was left of his t-shirt, traveling until she found the warmest, hardest part of him inside his pants. Ben wanted her. Maybe even needed her.

  He was so long and hard, all man, and she wanted him too.

  This was happening tonight.

  Chapter Ten

  Ben wished he’d have met Hazel six years ago. She was the kind of woman he should have been waiting for.

  Smells of cherry, mint and heat were stuck on his clothes, all coming from the woman sprawled over top of him on her couch, ready to go.

  His hands held one part of her body only to ache with need to feel another. Ther
e was so much of her creamy skin he had to explore. Now he understood what it meant, not being able to get enough.

  He cupped her breasts, one in each hand, just as she raised up and tugged her top off, temporarily knocking his hands away. She hesitated, fingers ready to unclasp her raspberry colored bra when she reached down, grabbed his hands and placed them back over top her breasts. Her nipples were hard under the material and he found that rubbing his thumbs over them brought her extreme pleasure.

  She stared down at him and ground her pelvis against his stomach. She was so warm there, the rubbing heat was mind-blowing. He wished he wasn’t so tall so their bodies would have matched up at just the right spots. He could have scooted her down but enjoyed kissing her neck and lips so much, he didn’t want to lose that. And his stomach wasn’t complaining. Her tilted head and slightly opened mouth told him she enjoyed how he held her to him. Or so he thought.

  She frowned for a second. “Help me, please? In the back?”

  Ah, she wanted him to undo her pretty bra. “Yes,” he managed to say, and pulled her down so that they were chest to chest. It took him a few tries but he got the little clasps undone and when she raised herself back up, the bra fell to the floor.

  “Oh, God, you’re beautiful,” he said, clinging to the sight of her.

  Ben had actually seen plenty of breasts. It came with his line of work and the people he hung out with. But he’d never seen any as beautiful as Hazel’s and none of those others had ever been for him. He loved it when she lowered herself back down and scooted up his body just enough so that one of her dark pink nipples landed on his lips. The noise she let out was close to a purr so he gently kissed her there and then sucked the little bead into his mouth. It felt like the first time having her this way and he realized he might never get back the memory of their actual first time together. He wanted to ask if that night had been this good but her soft sounds of delight convinced him now was what mattered and he needed to make sure tonight was perfect. That tonight was what they both remembered.

  “Mmm,” she said into his hair, distracting him from that thought as he suckled her some more, pulling her nipple further into his mouth.

  Her fingers tightened in his hair when he moved to her other breast and licked, then blew over that nipple until it too was beautiful, dark pink and hard between his lips.

  Nothing could ruin this moment.

  It got even better when he felt her begin to tremble as she rubbed herself high on his stomach. The crotch of her jeans scratched his skin but he would wait for her to decide when those would come off.

  Who in their right mind had made this woman feel like she wasn’t enough? He licked his lips, moved his hands to her sides and helped her grind against him for a few more minutes until he pulled her face up to his and kissed her.

  “I want all of you, Hazel,” he said, sliding his hands down to her hips and guiding her down his body to where she’d made him so hard he thought he might explode any second. But he wouldn’t, because he wanted to be more than enough for her too.

  ****

  “Then we need a lot less clothes between the two of us. You first?” she asked and then sat up on his belly and slid her hand under his shirt, up the middle of his stomach and then back down. Did he have any idea how sexy those hairs were? As willing and adoring as he’d been to her, she doubted Ben felt his own magnetism. But it was there. For her to take. Right there. Rubbing against the parting of her cheeks each time she scooted further back toward his legs. If she just stayed focused on Ben, on the moment, she’d be fine. He’d be fine.

  “I guess that’s only fair,” he said, then grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled up, groaning. That had to have hurt but he did it for her. When he had it mostly over his head, she rushed it the rest of the way and tossed it to the floor.

  Her eyes started at that trail of hair down low on his trim belly while he sat upright, harnessing her between his legs. Her fingers circled his belly button and then traveled their way up the long trail at the center of his long, wide torso. She remembered when she and Mark had hoisted Ben back to the office. Now she knew why he’d been so heavy. There was so much of him and it all called to her, begged her to rub against him and satisfy both their needs.

  Her right hand veered toward the left side of his chest and she followed it, watching her fingers swirl over the light dusting of hair. She then leaned in and kissed the skin around his flat nipple, pulling the hairs softly between her lips as she pulled away and started to the other side. He shivered.

  Oh….oh Ben. Sweetheart, what…

  What she saw then broke her down.

  Like the self-made black marker drawings he had on his forearm, the skin of the right side of his chest had been inked in this way as well. She felt herself frowning, confused again and worried beyond belief.

  The rudeness of her staring was apparent but she couldn’t stop. Not until she examined it and made sense of it. In a way it was beautiful that he’d expressed himself in this way but it was also heartbreaking and Hazel wondered when he’d done it and if he had plans to make it permanent.

  Her fingers traced the words. “Love Will Heal These Wounds.”

  Oh sweetheart, what wounds? She thought as she then outlined the jagged looking heart he’d drawn within those words with her fingernail.

  Forgetting where she was and what they were doing for a moment, she felt his hands go to her shoulders and he squeezed.

  “I didn’t know,” she stuttered out. “I mean, it’s beautiful, Ben. Really beautiful.”

  She was in awe and complimenting him so why was his jaw clenched so tight?

  ****

  Bastard, that’s what you are. A selfish bastard. How could you have done that to her?

  “Ben? What’s wrong? If it’s about your drawing, I didn’t mean to gawk. I like it…”

  “But this is the first time you’ve seen it.”

  “Well yeah, but—”

  He took a hold of her hand and moved it to his knee, a safe place perhaps. He then reached down and grabbed the closest thing he could find, his t-shirt, and pressed it up against her chest, tucking it under her arms. It was time for him to treat her with an ounce of respect.

  “Ben?”

  He wished he had his hat to pull over his face but knew that was wrong. Better to get this out now. And maybe if he was lucky, someday, he’d get another chance. But not before he said what he’d come to say in the first place.

  “I owe you an apology, Hazel. The disrespect I showed you Saturday night is unacceptable to me and I hope it is to you, too.”

  She tried to interrupt him. “Ben, you’re the most well-mannered, thoughtful man I’ve ever come across. I don’t understand. I thought you wanted this too. Just as much as me.”

  He touched her face and then pulled his hand back, grinding his teeth together. This had to come out. She had to hear him.

  “Hazel, I don’t remember a single thing about being with you that night. I was drunk and selfish. And I had sex with you without even sharing at least my naked body. I wish I could say I at least dropped my pants but I can’t because I don’t remember. I couldn’t even remember your name. Or whether you were protected because at this point, I’m sure I didn’t hold up my end of that part of the deal. Hazel, I promise you, I came here tonight to own up to all that and apologize, not take advantage of you again.”

  Her mouth hung open like words were caught in her throat.

  She blinked so many times he lost count.

  His rant had hurt her feelings. “Hey, I didn’t mean I don’t want to be here with you tonight. Maybe I overreacted right now. But it’s just because I really care about you. As much as I want you right now, I need you to know that, Hazel. I would never have treated any woman like that, especially not you. And I’m so so sorry that I did.”

  “You didn’t, hun.” She paused and fiddled with the shirt he’d tucked under her arms. She blew out a strong breath. “We didn’t sleep together Saturday n
ight.”

  Her blinking slowed.

  “But…I don’t understand. We didn’t?”

  “No, we didn’t.”

  “Someone left me a note saying we’d had an amazing night together.” How fricking drunk and stupid had he been that night? “I assumed, and hoped, it was you.”

  “It was my note, Ben.”

  “I don’t understand. Why would you do that?”

  Her head dropped into her hands, hiding her face from him while she spoke. “I have my reasons.”

  Was this why she’d been on the verge of tears all night?

  “Why Hazel?”

  “Because I was worried about you that night.”

  He shook his head. He wanted to be tender with her but it felt like he’d been punched in the gut this time.

  Hazel’s eyes shut tight. “Because I wanted to make up for humiliating you on your birthday.”

  “You felt sorry for me.”

  At least with her eyes closed, she wouldn’t see his disappointment. He’d been a complete idiot, thinking she’d found him irresistible.

  “I did. But you don’t understand. I—”

  “No, I get it. I must seem pretty pathetic to you, then and now. Don’t feel bad, you were just trying to be nice.”

  There was no escape on this little couch for him and his ego she’d bashed to pieces. But it was more than that. Erby hadn’t broken his heart. But Hazel had just now. As much as he knew that was because Hazel really mattered to him, Ben stood up and searched the floor for his vest. It was the right thing to do and she’d hurt him.

  He shouldn’t have, but he looked over at her, wishing he could erase the past ten minutes of the night. Maybe they could get through this. How could he just leave her like that? Yeah, those feelings would have mattered if she’d only met with him out of something besides pity. She had both fists full of her red curls and had pulled them back to the back of her head. “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m sorry.” She started to tremble and shake but no tears came out.

  God, he didn’t want to leave her like this. Shit. He walked the few steps back to her side and leaned down to try and loosen the grasp she had on her hair but it was so tight. “Hey, Hazel, loosen up, you’re hurting yourself.” What was the deal? This felt like more than just her feeling sorry about lying to him.